ICONS OF HOPE: Mary Ann Quioc Tayag

MARY ANN QUIOC TAYAG
Restaurateur, Writer, Author

“The best person to help you is yourself.”

I set my mind that, from Day One, I would finish the treatment and that I would be well. On my second month, I bought a dress from a bazaar that I’ve been wanting to have for long time. It was white, sweet, and dainty. I told myself that “it will be my graduation dress” once I finished chemo. I kept it for months and on my last chemo day, I proudly wore it and even had a photo taken of me.

Accept (the diagnosis) once it’s there and then try to find the light moments during treatment.

Looking your best, for instance, can be good therapy. On my chemo days, I would always dress up pretty and wear heels — in my mind, I was having a high tea with the royals Princess Di, Queen Elizabeth, and Camilla.

During the month-long radiation, I dreaded the cold room so much, especially since I had to undress from the waist up for the treatment. So I wore bright, red lipstick and amused myself by pretending (in my mind) that I was a model doing porn photo shoots in the winter cold, with a photo crew that were only interested in my boobs. Friends found it hilarious and even gave me the nickname, “Titty Mary.”

Of course, I would have my “off” days. During my chemo treatment, my small family would go out for breakfast on my fifth day after chemo, then try different buffets on the sixth day after chemo.

That is because the fourth day is my “down day.” I would be in bed all day — no energy to eat and even leave the bed. But I made an effort to lift my spirits by putting on pretty sleepwear and using my favorite bedding so I would always like what I saw and felt when I opened my eyes. I’d tell myself that if I would stay all day in bed, I might as well feel good and sexy.

I’m thankful for my two loves, my hubby Claude and our son Nico, for being there to support me. As I started to lose my hair during chemo, I decided to have my head shaved. They both did not have the heart to do it for me so Claude took me to the salon and kept me company, taking photos of me to amuse me, I guess, as I was so scared of how I’d look like. As it turned out, people said I looked good, or even better, bald — my head had nice, round shape, they said. What a discovery! I started to wear nice and matching head covers, and this inspired me even more to dress up. (I still carry a cap to keep my head warm in times when there is a draft or when I feel cold.)

Claude also helped by making mealtimes special. He bought me new plates and cutlery, I guess to give a bit more excitement to my mealtimes. He also would often make special soups as I felt I needed lots of liquid.

Our kasambahay, Janice, was with me the entire time and accompanied me to all my trips to the hospital. Sometimes Nico would join us. They both made my life easy.

I find time for others with cancer because I believe God made me well to help others. I wrote about my cancer journey in the Philippine Star. I realized I can inspire even strangers with their own challenging journeys by simply being me.

Once, I was at the hospital lobby and a man approached me and timidly asked if he could take my photo. He said his wife who is in the oncology room had been depressed since she lost her hair. She didn’t want to dress up, etc. Then he said “I’d like her to see you.”

Every morning, during my journey, I’d see myself in the mirror and I say aloud: “I am beautiful. I am strong. Christ is with me. Nothing can go wrong.”

(Today, eight years later, I still say that before every test and procedure.)

#ICSat25
#SurvivorStories

Photos by: Necy Juat and Marivic Lopa Silva

Icons of Hope is a social media campaign that features cancer survivors who share their own stories, learnings and the lives they now live. It is part of ICANSERVE Foundation’s 25th anniversary celebration in collaboration with Camera Club of the Philippines. With thanks to Owen Santos and Zonia Bandoy.